Growing Up Metal: The Metal Diaries

Mortified This Weekend!

2008-02-06T13:45:00.000-08:00

I'll be performing at Mortified again February 8th and 11th. I'll be doing a brand new piece based on three journals that were written before the Metal Diaries. Don't worry, I still obssess about Steve Clark from Def Leppard...in great detail.

Hope to see you there!

Mortified This Weekend!

2007-07-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

Hi fans!

I'll be performing from the Metal Diaries this weekend with Mortified at the Make Out Room. Details below!

IT'S SUMMERTIME! TIME FOR BBQS, BEACHES, AND LONG HOT ANGSTY CONFESSIONS FROM YOUR FAVORITE LOCAL TEENAGE ICONS! COME FEEL THE HEAT AT JULY'S ALL NEW MORTIFIED!

THIS MONTH WITNESS:MARK PHINNEY: Hear the true confessions from Mark's short stay in a mental hospital in Mark, Interrupted........

CYNTHIA BRINKMAN: Listen to a young girl's tale of her first kiss with a boy, quickly followed by her first kiss with a girl......

GEORDIE MARTINEZ: The real account of a young man's experiences in the navy during the gulf war as he struggles to find the meaning of life and a halfway decent prostitute.

HEZ ARONSON: Share the obsessed set of 5 diaries all dedicated to Def Leppard guitarist Steve Clark!

RACHEL WARNER: Here a young woman's thoughts on how the world should be run

PLUS THE FINAL PERFORMANCE OF ONE OF OUR GREATES TEENICONS: HEAR LORI FOWLER DISCUSS THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF BEING ON THE COTTON JUDGING TEAM!

ALL THESE AND MORE THIS MONTH FRI JULY 20TH AND SAT JULY 21ST
AT YOUR THERAPY/ COMEDY ESCAPE

MORTIFIED!
www.getmortified.com
MORTIFIED IS FRI JULY 20TH AND SAT JULY 21ST @ 8PM ATTHE MAKEOUT ROOM.
10 DOLLAR PRESALE
12 DOLLARS @ THE DOOR
TIX: http://www.getmortified.com/tix
INFO: www.getmortified.com
TIX ON SALE NOW AT :http://www.getmortified.com/tix
ORDER QUICK IT WILL SELL OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and The"Today Show," featured in SF WEEKLY and 7 BY 7 MAGAZINE's "BEST OF THE BAY" and on This American Life, Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, poems, letters, lyrics, homemovies, schoolwork) as shared by their original authors... in front of total strangers. As the largest and longest-running project of its kind, ourgrassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks while paving the way for a strange new brand of entertainment.

After all, where else can you hear grown men and women confront their past with first hand tales of their...first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom,l ife at bible camp, worst hand job, best mall job, and reasons they deserved to marry Bon Jovi? Submissions come from a wide range of participants, from professional performers (comics, celebrities, singers) to total amateurs (architects, ad execs, salesmen). All in the noble pursuit of self-degradation. Fueled by nonstop sold out live events across the nation (LA, NYC, San Fran, Boston, Chicago), a book with Simon Spotlight Entertainment, international media coverage, and intense word-of-mouth, Mortified continues to unleash its unique brand of angst onto the world.

Share the shame.

Book II: Page 4

2007-02-23T17:58:00.000-08:00

20.1.84+1

Steve,

Hi. I'm supposed to be studyin' for my mid year exams but I'll probably fail them anyways. I'm just copying down definitions for my vocabulary words. I don't get that upset about Ricker* anymore. I just think about him a lot though. I wonder how he's feeling and how you guys are all handling it. I think it should be reversed like how you guys are feeling and how Ricker is handling it. I hate school. God I can't wait til I'm done. Ow my legs hurt from sitting on them too long. I wrote another song called "Hellfire." It's sorta turning out that I am gonna be the word man in the band. Or I guess word woman. I don't care which one. I just don't wanna write songs co's I can't. The songs I write are just fair. They're not exceptional. Ya know? Yuck, the Who is on. I'm seeing my psychiatrist now. I think I told ya. She's got Rick Sav hair. I'm so mad. I want my hair to grow. I figured out that by June it will be long enough for a Rick Sav perm. But I'm gonna wait til the end of the summer co's then it'll be just a little longer. Oh yeah, I got Ker...oh I can never spell it...hold on. Kerrang! magazine and it's got a picture of Phil in a robe and slippers and he's playing his guitar and it's so funny. He looks so cute. I gotta babysit for 4 or 5 hours tomorrow co's...I forgot. Oh well. It's money. My parents are assholes. Were yours when you were 17**? Hold on I gotta go and eat dinner. Be back in 10 minutes.

I lied. It was 20 minutes co's I had to make some more orange juice to eat with my chocolate cake. It's around 8:15pm already and I gotta study til 10pm. Then Heavy Metal from Hell is on til 11pm. Then I'll go to bed, wake up, go to school, and fail my exams. I only got 2 exams tomorrow. Um, Science and Social Studies. Then on Tuesday I gotta take 1 more test co's I ain't got nothing for the second test and then on Wednesday I gotta just take one test. Whatever. I just got off the phone with Kymmer. She says hi. I'm listening to my Genesis tape. I seen them in concert for their Duke tour. Well I gotta go co's it's 9:30 and I gotta study Social Studies yet. God I can't wait til I am done with school.
Bye,
Love ya, Heather

* Rick Allen
**I must be inflating my age to appear um, not 14

Book II: Page 3

2007-02-23T17:53:00.000-08:00

18.1.84+1

Dear Steve,

Hi dude, what's up? I'm in my sucky algebra class. God I hate this class. Thank god it is my last week in here. Then I got alg. period 7 but I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore. Just you. I guess. Oh & my career. My English teacher is giving me more support than my parents are. The guy who runs the school, I forgot what he's called...oh yeah. The principle. He's sittin in the back of our classroom "observing" us. He's probably jackin off by looking at the girls. (heavy breathing) I love you! I love you! I love you! America is so confusing. I guess this whole world is. Well, I'm gonna go & day dream about you & Phil.
Love Ya, Heather

Book II: Page 2

2007-02-23T17:48:00.001-08:00

18.1.84+1

Steve,

Hi. I'm in a study right now. Let's see, it's 2nd period and I got 3 more classes then lunch then 2 more classes then I'm outta here to Kym's. Um I don't feel like writing but I guess I will. Last night I heard DL 3 times and it bummed me out. Then I listened to Metallica and Pink Floyd and Stanley Clarke and cried co's the songs were all sad. Then I think I cried myself to sleep. I can't remember. I had a dream about 'Leave it to Beaver.' It's this stupid TV show. I'm sure you've heard of it. I just realised that this kid sitting behind me can read what I've been writing co's the seats are elevated, like they go up higher each row like this (diagram). Sike, huh? Sike, 7 more minutes til the bell rings. Gotta go, Love ya Heather

Book II: Page 1

2007-02-23T17:44:00.000-08:00

18.1.84+1

Steve,

Yeah, another notebook. This one is just gonna be notes or letters co's...that's the way I wanna do it. Um, I'm in school now and I feel like leaving but it's cold. My parents aren't being too supportive about me being a musician. I got wall to wall pictures and my dad doesn't "like" it. When it was just the same fuckin' way in Rochester. My parents are such assholes. I don't feel good. I wish Eileen* was here so I could go to her office so I don't gotta go to class. Well, I guess I am gonna go.

Love ya,
Heather

*Eileen was the school counselor. It was well known that if you didn't want to go to class you could go to her office and hide out. It was also at this point I became a peer counselor...um yeah.

The Inside Page: 1984+1

2007-02-23T17:37:00.000-08:00

Written by Heather Clarke & Kymmer (Sav) Henry

They say you decided your own fate
A night of celebration, a new years date
You were so young
& havin' so much fun
They you lost control
& your car went towards the curb
Your life was on the line
Maybe co's of too much wine

Waking up in a hospital bed
Maybe wishing you were dead
Then you found out what was wrong
You promised everyone you'd be strong
But when they left the room
You wished your career hadn't gone so soon
Your temper raged, your eyes stung
So this is 1984+1

Tuesday night, listenin to the radio
Had to listen to what was available
You & the guys were on
Singing my favorite song
At the end the DJ said
He's still alive so don't lose your head
There was an accident that couldn't be helped
But that was not the way that I felt
They said you'd never drum again
It's your choice so it depends
I said it ain't fair
But no one seemed to care
I lost control this time
& the next morning around 9
I woke up in a hospital bed
A nervous breakdown they said
Whey does it have to be this way
Wishing the nightmare would go away
So ya gotta understand why I wrote this song
Face it co's it's 1984+1

Waking up in a hospital bed
Maybe wishing you were dead
Then you found out what was wrong
You promised everyone you'd be strong
You were young
& having fun
But now it's 1984+1

Book Two

2007-02-22T21:14:00.000-08:00

Bonus Page

2007-02-01T15:16:00.000-08:00

(Letter to Mary Reome, my friend in Rochester, NY)

16.1.84+1

Mary,

Hi, what's up? Sorry I haven't written for so long. Wait. I'll write more in Algebra co's it's boring as hell. Ok. Sike. I was late to Alg. on purpose just so when I walk in the stupid teacher goes, "Heather you're late." And I go, "I don't feel late." compliments of Van Halen. The teacher is resigning and she don't care if we learn or not so I write notes. I like picking on people in this school. Today I'm wearing black pants, black boots with chains around them, my Iron Maiden t-shirt (I went to the concert last night) a black sweat shirt and my army jacket and all my rings. On my army jacket I got on my left arm safety pins going all down the arm. I'm so fucking tired. Oh yeah, my hair is straight but I curled it and then put hair spray on it so now it's "professionally" messy and I have on wicked black eye shadow, mascara and eye-liner. Here's the school update: at the present moment I'm failing ALL of my classes except for home-ec and art. Well, I don't feel like writing so I'll write more later.

Ok, I'm in lunch now. I go to 5 classes then lunch then I got 2 more. I haven't been to gym class in a month....

(never finished)

Page 88

2007-02-01T15:10:00.000-08:00

17.1.84+1

Steve,

My parents just fucked up my life again. They bug me so much. I hate 'em. I can't see what I am writing co's I can't stop crying. I wish I could just hide away in my room with you and my guitar. I'm so comfortable in my room, it's in the basement and my dad comes down stairs and says that I gotta move upstairs co's of "fire" reasons. The fucking door to outside is right around the corner from my room. They want me to move upstairs, well just to sleep, which is completely fucking stupid because all I do is sleep. I'll be spending all my time in my room anyways. They don't understand why I want to be down here. I wish you were here with me. I could use a shoulder. LOVE YA, Heaz

Page 87

2007-02-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

17.1.84+1

Steve,

I'm in the nurses office co's I was cuttin' a study and we (me and Kym) had nowhere to go and so we came to the nurse (thank god it was a substitute nurse!) and I said I had a real bad headache and I said we were having a movie and I couldn't sit in class no more. So here I am sitting in the nurse's writing you a letter. Kymmer is sitting in the other room. Then there is this sorta fat girl weighing herself on this scale and she says, 'This scale is off." And I'm like, uh, y'ar it is. High school is soooo much fun. Ya know? Sorry I was just staring off into space. It's cold in this room. My friend just came down. She's a diabetic and she has to have a snack after every class. Bye.

Love ya

Clarke 84+1

Page 86

2007-02-01T15:01:00.000-08:00

17.1.84+1

Steve,

Hi. It's tomorrow. I'm sitting in homeroom waiting for the announcements to get finished so I can get outta this room co's I'm wicked hot co's the heat is on real high. Damn. I just got called down to the office. I had to go co's I cut gym class last Monday and they're giving me two nights detention but I'm getting dismissed today co's I gotta go to my therapist. The reason I am going to a therapist is because of cutting classes. Sike, huh?* Well, I'm gonna get my act together. Well, this school is so fucked up a hell of a lot anyways. I gotta take notes so I'll write later.

Love ya,

heather 84+1

*I love that I cut classes because I hated the school and as a "punishment" had to see a therapist, which helped me legally cut classes. SIKE is right!

Page 85

2007-02-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

16.1.84+1

Steve,

Hi. I'm listening to Led Zeppelin and I thought of you. Well, I guess I was trying to call my "boyfriend" in Rochester co's I'm lonely . He's at the university and I was calling him at his dorm and I got this recording from the operator that said the number was out of service and no new number was available or whatever. You know that THAT means. I'm upset co's I heard this song today that reminded me of him. Why did we have to move? I ain't fair. The only person I could confide in and he's 400 and some odd miles away. I just wanna cry. Um, I gotta go.

Heather

I'm looking at that picture of you and Joe and it's making me feel worse.

Page 84

2007-02-01T14:51:00.000-08:00

16.1.84+1

Steve,

I just feel like writing you a note. I'll try to write neat so you can read it. Let's see. I got 26 damn minutes til lunch. I didn't eat breakfast. Come to think of it, I didn't eat dinner either. I wish you went to this school. It would be so cool. I wish I could know you. We'd be such good friends. Alisson (yuck) wants to say hi.

Hi Steve whatz up? You're a real cool guy. I hope you have a really fun life. You look so depressed in your pictures. I hope you cheer up. Let's see you smile. Love Alisson

God I hate her. Well, for one thing, she likes you but she doesn't even...oh god, I don't know. I feel wicked jealous. Well, Alisson didn't even know about Def Leppard until I moved to this hick town...I mean Sharon. So she just likes you co's of me and she likes a lot of other things co's of me. Oh well. LOVE YA Heather 84+1

Page 83

2007-02-01T14:47:00.000-08:00

16.1.84+1

Steve,

You're such a cool dude, I can't stand it. I can sorta get my hair like yours if I use a half a bottle of spray paint. I mean hair spray. I was thinking spray paint. Whatever. Life isn't fair. Do you know that? Damn, my mid year exams are coming up next week. I am sorta studying but I'm such a shithead that I'll probably fail 'em any ways. I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I only slept for like 5 hours last night. Well, ya gotta suffer for your career. I always have these wild day dreams about you. Then sometimes I get bummed out co's I want them to come true. I'm sorta bummed out today co's this morning I woke up to "Wish You Were Here." Of course by Pink Floyd. Oh well. Remember always I'll love ya when no one else will. LOVE YA, Heather

Page 82

2007-02-01T14:37:00.000-08:00

Steve,

Hi dude. I went to the Iron Maiden concert last night. I feel like shit now. Well, the concert was great and everything it's just that our ride* didn't show up until 12:15am when the concert was over at 10:55pm. It sucks, huh? It was sooooo fucking cold!!!! But luckily there was a nice guy who let us wait in his car. So then our ride came and said the car had broken down and we couldn't put the heat on. So then we got back around 1:20am and I didn't fall asleep until 2:00am then woke up at 7am the next morning (which unfortunately is today). Kymmer is sick co's she got really cold last night and she doesn't feel that well. So I'm all alone in school today. I'm just tired. Co's we were sitting next to this dude who kept on passing us a joint. I guess Kymmer can't take that many hits. Well, the bell is gonna ring. LOVE YA Heather 84+1

*The secret ride giver was Kym's stepdad and his ancient station wagon broke down on the way to Worcester, MA to pick us up. It was literally 17 degrees out and we were in our concert gear, which was decorated jeans and ripped t-shirts and lot's of metal and most definitely, no coats. Her stepdad said that when he turns the heat on, the car stalls so we had to bundle up in the back under dirty blankets. I stayed at Kym's that night and while she copped the "I'm sick" to her parents the net morning, I had to go to school because my parents didn't know the show was on a school night and thought I was just staying at Kym's. If they got the call the next day saying I wasn't in school, that would've banned any future concerts.

Page 80

2007-02-01T14:23:00.000-08:00

14.1.84+1

Dear Steve,

I'm growing my hair long co's I wanna get a Rick Sav perm. Well, my hair used to be like yours when yours was curly but then you got your hair cut straight and of course I had to also so then it was like yours and it looked real nice but then it got too long in the front so I got it cut and now if I get my hair permed again it will look like Rick Allen's hair. But I'm gonna wait til the summer co's then it will be long. Well, it's to my shoulders now but I want it long. Whatever. I'm looking at a picture of you and Joe. It's taken in a bathroom and I told all these stupid people in this school that I walked into the men's bathroom by accident and you and Joe were there so I asked you guys for a picture. These people are so stupid. LOVE YA HEATHER 84+1

Page 78

2007-02-01T14:17:00.000-08:00

14.1.84+1

Steve,

Hi. I'm in Social Crudies now. We're supposed to like, do these oral reports or whatever but I convinced my teacher to let me and my friend Debbie, Hi Steve <-- that was Debbie, -- do our report on Thursday co's we don't have school on Tuesday (tomorrow) and Tuesday night is the Iron Maiden concert (sike*) and then I gotta recover on Wednesday so he (my teacher) is gonna let me read on Thursday. Anyways, I got another Def Leppard book. These books never have any good pictures of you. They don't do you justice. I'm not gonna buy that guitar. Well, the kid is having it, um, appraised? To see how much it's worth and It's in good condition so I probably won't be able to afford it. Well, I gotta go co's this is Debbie's pen and she needs it.

Love Ya,

Heather 84+1

*Definition of "sike"

Sike or Psyche, as used in the Metal Diaries is not used in it's classical form: to fake someone out, to lead someone on and then to immediately decline an ending. In the Metal Diaries it is used as a derivative of "excited."

Example: I am siked (psyched) to see Iron Maiden next week, is the same as, I am excited to see Iron Maiden next week.

Page 76

2007-02-01T14:15:00.000-08:00

I love Steve

Do you like Santana? If you got some of his albums, um, I'm not sure which one it's on but the song Europa is my favorite. It's an instrumetnal.

Heather 84+1

Page 74

2007-02-01T14:13:00.000-08:00

(Written by Kym)

Steve,

What's up? Dude. Hez just threw a pair of sizzers at my poster and she cut you. (did it hurt?)

Bye,
Kym

P.S. Nevermind, it's was Sav's arm. Oh well. Bye

Page 71

2007-02-01T14:08:00.000-08:00

13. January 84+1

Steve,

Hi. Led Zeppelin is on and it made me think of you so I wrote. I'm so pissed (well not really) cause my turquoise marking pen ran out and turquoise is my favorite color. Well, besides black, but black isn't a color. I gotta ask you a question. How do you do your hair? It's driving me crazy! I can't get mine like that. Tomorrow is Monday. Yuck. God I hate school. Well, I used to like it in Rochester but then we moved to this hell hole...I mean Sharon. I hate school now co's everyone hates me co's I like heavy metal and they are all into that Boy George shit. My dad's hookin' up this old turn table in my room. I'm so siked co's I get to listen to Led Zeppelin 24 hours a day. Well, I get to listen to all my albums. Sike, huh? Well, I'm gonna go. Love ya, Heather

Book One

2007-01-30T17:42:00.000-08:00

3
Originally uploaded by hezcatt.

One of the many artistic pages in Book One of the Metal Diaries.

Page 68

2007-01-29T12:29:00.000-08:00

10. Thursday. Jan. 84+1

Steve,

Well, this is the last page. (sike!) I think I'm gonna do all the back sides. What I'm gonna do is get another notebook like this and just write letters to you in it. That should be good. It'll give ya something to read on tour. If ya can read my writing. I wish ya lived next door to me. I wish I was back in Cambridge then I could go and visit Rick. I cry every night. I mean things that I do with both hands and stuff really makes me upset. He's so young, well, he's not that young but drumming was his career. He'll still drum if he wants to. It's all up to him. I think I told you that my friend Kym an I wrote a song. I'll write it down somewhere. Well, I wrote it and Kym added or too out a few lines. It's ok. It's not, like, really professional. It's only our second song. Our first one was weird. We just don't know ho to put 'em to music. I don't think I'll write on the backs of the pages. I like to write letters. So. Oh I don't know. Like sucks, then you're famous, then life sucks again. I'm gonna go buy myself a pair of leppard, I mean, leopard pants on Friday. I'm gonna wear them tot he Iron Maiden concert. I'm so tired. I wanna go home. I gotta babysit today. Well, it's money and the people have MTV and they might play a leppard video. I hope so. I watched Snoopy yesterday so I don't know if leppard came on. Snoopy is a cool dude. I wanna meet you so bad. I just wanna be your friend. You are the only guy I've ever felt like this for. What I wanna do is live with you. Co's marriage ruins everything. Not that I want to marry you. No offence. I guess I would if you asked me. Whatever. I'm out of room so I'll talk to you soon.. I hope.

Love ya always,
Heather Clarke 84+1

Page 63

2007-01-29T12:16:00.000-08:00

Sike* Steve, listen to this. My friend Kym and I -- Hi Steve -- that's Kym. Anyways, my pen's running out -- quick go get it! -- Sike a new one. I don't like this one. Ok well, this one don't work either. Ok another pen, well Kym and I are gonna name one of our albums "What." Can you just see that? Wait a minute. I don't like this pen. Sike. Wait a minute. Does this one work? Yeah ok, can you just see someone interviewing us (me & Kym) and saying what's the name of ya new album gonna be called? "What." Or they'll go, What's the name of your new album? And we'll go, yeah. And the reporter will be like, what? And we'll be like, yeah. You know, it could go on forever. I'm going to see Iron Maiden on the 15th. Sike, huh? Ok gotta go. Bye.

Love ya,
Heather 1984+1

p.s. Kym and I are shootin pencils at each other. Sike!

*Sike = Psyche (it was easier to spell).

Page 58

2007-01-29T12:11:00.000-08:00

Jesus Christ Steve I just heard about Rick, well last Tuesday but, I mean, I was too upset to write and all. Kym and I starved ourselves. Tuesday night, Jan. 2, and on until today, Jan. 7 1984+1. Five days. Jesus, but see on Saturday I passed out in a record store co's of not eating and I had to eat. I was really depressed about Rick. I was getting better until on Friday I heard his arm was amputated co's of an infection. God that is so awful. He'll still drum. He can do it. I wrote him so many letters. But they weren't like, 'I heard about your arm, I'm so sorry etc" co's I didn't want to make him feel like, well, you know. I'm running out of room.

Love ya Steve,
Heather

Page 52

2007-01-27T12:52:00.000-08:00

28/12/84

Steve,

Hi. Our electricity power in our house just went out. We probably didn't pay our bill. (ha ha ha) I just heard that it was midnight from my radio. It's working on batteries. I'd die without my music. I'm writing by candlelight. The electricity went out a 1/2 an hour ago. It was right in the middle of Monty Python. They just did the "tape recorder is up the nose in stereo" bit and then the Lumberjack Song. "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok, I sleep all night and I work all day, I cut down trees, I eat my lunch and I go to the lavoritry." Excuse the spelling. I'm failing my classes in school. I wanna quit but that's stupid. Besides, how would I support myself? Who wants a female guitar player? No one. Oh well. Cool or what? I just changed the station and Led Zep's on. I really like 'em. I think Rob Plant is a babe. I wish he'd grow his hair long again. It's so nice and naturally curly. I should put my Zeppelin tape on. Oh forget it. I couldn't even find it in this mess with the lights on. I'm such a pig. I gotta clean my room. Now a real depressing song by Bruce Springsteen is on. I cry every time I hear it. I got it on tape. I'm on my holidays. Well, they're practically over. Tomorrow's Sunday, then new years eve. I'm gonna party. I got nothing else to do co's this town is so boring. I can't wait to get outta here. Oh well, what can you do about it? I bought a new magasine a couple days ago. I think it was yesterday. Anyways, it gots a picture of you in it. Your hair is getting long. It's SO blond! Maybe it was just the picture. There, I just put another tape in. It's Stanley Clarke. He's a great musician. I hope ya don't mind if I just write ya an tell ya what I feel. Or more likely what I would say if I was talking to ya. I heard from somewhere that the band is doing something with the new LP. So it isn't supposed to be out til Spring '85. Whilst I'm sitting here wondering what it's gonna sound like. I hope ya guys don't break down just for airplay. Your fans are gonna like ya whatever ya do. I hope it's more like High n' Dry. I love that LP. Well, of course allowing the fact that ya might wanna try something new. Wow, the power just came on. Just a minute whilst I turn my light off. I like it better that way. Saturday Night Live is on. The Thompson Twins are the musical guest and this lady has a mohawk and it's SICK. Do you know who Dudley Moore is? He's an actor. Anyway, I think he's sexy. Who cares what I think, right? This guy just crumpled up a whole fucking pile of paper towels and shoved 'em down his pants and then he found a whole mess of toilet paper and stuff and he shoved it down the front of his pants and he's in a bar, right?, so he walks out on the dance floor with this 5 foot long dick. And it was all paper and it was so funny I can't stop laughing. I guess you had to be there, huh? My candle is almost burned out. "I'm a lumberjack and..." Oh I already sang that. Oh yeah. Ok. What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung. I heard that on Monty Python tonight. (for about the 5th time) I'm going to see Iron Maiden in January. It's on a school night so I gotta sneak out. Hey, tippy turtle, what ya gonna do today? Well, I'm gonna bother everyone I see and then I'll probably go home and get drunk. I wanna talk to you so bad. Sit down with some tea and talk and ya know. (ahem) This guy is doing a talk show and he has a 3/4 inch pipe shoved long ways through his head and he's asking this guy a question and all of a sudden he starts singing Blue Moon. It was so funny. Well, ya know, it's hard to explain on paper. Well, I don't feel like writing any more. I'll write ya soon though.

Love ya always and forever,
heather

Page 49

2007-01-27T12:36:00.000-08:00

25/11/84

Friday night was the Kiss concert. It was excellent. Well, I'm probably just saying that co's I haven't been to a concert in so long. I'm listening to some band called The Smiths. Oh it just ended. I think I told you already that I moved to Massechusettes, or however you spell it. I used to live in Rochester, NY. I can't stand it here. I really hate it. I can't wait to get outta school. I wanna play guitar, right? Well, I am. Well, sorta. But, I figured out the bass lines to "When the Music's Over" by The Doors. The BASSLINES. I'm like yeah, ok, I wanna play guitar and I figure out the bass lines. Oh well. It's a start. I still haven't finished cleaning my room from when I last wrote you. I'm getting there. The day my room is entirely clean will be a miracle. I wish Led Zeppelin was still together. I love their music with a passion. Kiss just came on the radio. Wow. Pink Floyd is on. When you guys come to Rochester I am gonna go to the place you are staying at. It'll be easier to find you co's Rochester is smaller than Boston. I have one complete wall filled (covered) with Def Leppard pictures. God, I'm such an adolescent! I've over come most of my depression. Shit. "Hey You" is on the radio. What a depressing song. Now I'm gonna sit here and just stare at your picture. Doesn't that kind put you on the spot? You'd feel real uncomfortable if you were just standing there and I was just looking at you. Never mind what I just wrote. I'm just real confused. When "my band" or the one that I am in gets really good and everything, well you produce our album? Or at least help is with our first one? Then we can tour with you. That would be like a dream come true. I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day. My only problem is that I don't know how to put words to music. Actually, to tell you the truth, I really don't read music. I've been playing the violin for 8 years by ear practically. I was in an ensemble last year but then we moved here. Yes, here in wonderful Sharon, Mass. Where we collect pine cones for excitement. Well, I hope that you'll write to me co's I'm really bored here in wonderful Sharon, Mass. etc, etc. I just hate school. Shit. Tomorrow's Monday. My mom and dad have been bothering me about my grades. Steve, you're so cute. I'm gonna cry. God, what a shithead I am! What a fucking adolescent. Write please?

Love ya always,

Heather x

P.S. Promise you won't make fun of me with the guys?

Page 47

2007-01-25T11:53:00.000-08:00

22 November 1984

Hi Steve,

I just felt like writing to you. God am I bored. Can I be your friend? I would like that. A lot. I had to get my hair cut. I mean, I HAD to. It’s so short! Well, I had a lot of split ends, like, so the lady haircutter person cut them all off. But, I’m growing my hair real long then I’m gonna do my hair like Rick Savage’s. Cool or what? Right? Joe’s hair is getting real long now. Don’t you think so? Tomorrow night I’m going to see Kiss in concert. Queesnryche is touring with them. I got these leopard pants, well actually, they’re my friend Kym’s. (She likes Joe) (who doesn’t?) (me)…anyways, I’m gonna wear them to see Kiss. I got this picture of Leppard and your all in your Union Jack shorts and shirts. It looks SO cute. I had to laugh when I saw it. My room is a mess. I’m getting better at the guitar. My friend and I are getting a band together as soon as we can play something descent (did I spell that right?). I’m such a shit head. Oh well. For Christmas I’m buying myself a harmonica. And a skateboard. I can’t wait til I see you guys in concert. Except I am underage and I can’t get nothing to drink unless I ask someone. What do you think of Deep Purple getting back together? I’ve always liked them. Iron Maiden is coming in concert in January. I can’t wait to see you. I’m gonna do everything I can to meet you. Really. I’m serious. I gotta give you this notebook! Well, back to writing.

Love Ya Always & Forever,
Heather x

Page 37

2007-01-25T11:13:00.000-08:00

7 October 1984

Steve,

I really haven’t written you in a while. I feel awful. I’m sure you haven’t missed me and my everyday problems. Well, a lot has happened since I left off. I moved to Sharon, MA. You know. New England. It’s ok. To tell you the truth, I hate it. It’s so boring. I took Rochester for granted. I really did. Sharon, where I live is, like, dead. The largest building in this stupid town is my high school. I still think about you a lot. Really. I’m working hard to finish this notebook. The last one I gave you wasn’t quite finished.* I plan to finish this one. Leppard doesn’t get much air play in Mass., but that’s good ‘cause I’m greedy. I can’t afford any magazines right now so I don’t know what’s going on in the music world. Well, other than what’s on the radio. Well, let me tell you, I finally got a boyfriend, right? His name is Alan but he asked me out, well to be boyfriend and girlfriend, the day before I was leaving Rochester for good! Do you believe that? Right when my life was going good look what happens. Fuck! I am very determined to meet you. You don’t know what I have planned. Neither do I, but I’ll think of something. I’m real fun, especially when I am drunk. I suppose I can have fun without getting drunk, but it’s more fun if you are. Do you know what I mean? I don’t think I do. Well, I have a couple of new poems for you. I think. I’m not sure I have written them down. I hope you’ll get severely depressed and feel for me like I feel for you. You probably won’t but it’s worth a shot.

Love ya always & forever,
Heather

*In 1983 when Def Leppard was touring for Pyromania they came to the Rochester War Memorial. The day of the concert 96 WCMF, the local rock radio station, announced that two members of Def Leppard were going to be on the air before the concert. My parents offered to drive me to the radio station before the show (they were planning on going to the show too). When we got there we were the only ones waiting. A car pulled up and Steve Clark and Phil Collen got out. I couldn't believe my luck that it was actually Steve who was there. My dad ran out armed with my Pyromania record album and asked for an autograph. The guys hesitated because, honestly, wouldn't you if a 34 year old man who approached you for an autograph? My mom successfully pushed me out of the car and as I headed over to them the guys visibly became more "open" to giving an autograph. I was also armed with my first Steve Clark notebook, which I ended up giving to Steve. The horror of this moment for me, as a 13-14 year old girl, was I had left my Nike leather high tops at my grandma's house and couldn't get them back in time for the concert and I was forced to wear my jazz shoes.

The Contract

2007-01-21T17:33:00.000-08:00

25/10/83

I have spent many hours writing in the past about the future. It was my choice to do this. Please take the time to read through all of this.

I have already wasted my time Now can I waste yours? (well, I didn’t really waste my time…).

Thankyou,

heather clarke x
forever or death

Turn to pages 37-39, 47, 49, 52, 56, 58 (oh fuck, poor rick)*, 68, 71, 74, 75, 76, 78, 82-84, 84+1**, 86-88.

P.S. I moved to Mass. In Septembre LET ME TELL YOU, it’s boring here, very boring!

*this refers to when Rick Allen was injured, and ultimatley lost his arm, in a car wreck. While this notebook starts off in 1983 it appears I only wrote on side of the page in later years went back and filled in the blank pages with entries.

**Because 1985 was the year that Rick Allen lost his arm, my best friend Kym and I, after a brief 5 day hunger strike only surviving on Pep-o-Mint Lifesavers, refused to refer to or speak aloud the number 1985 and refered it verbally and in writing as 1984+1.

(Original handwritten page is linked at the date.)

Growing Up Metal: The Beginning

2007-01-21T17:11:00.000-08:00

This is the cover of my first spiral ringed journal notebook. As you can see I meticulously decorated the cover with items from magazines and other things and sealed it with clear packing tape. I took this notebook with me everywhere. While this is definitley the journal of a 13 year old girl, it is written with Steve Clark as the audience.

This first book mainly contains about 100 pages of "I love Steve" over and over again but, there are a few select pages of direct "to Steve" entries which I will showcase here.

While most of the stuff is embarrassing, I think it's an intersting look into the mind of a 13-15 year old girl (there are 5 other books).

Typically, after designing the front cover, I included a drawing of some sort on the inside cover.

This is the inside cover of Book One. This might look familar to regular readers of Hezcatt.com as it appeared in an entry titled: Holy Diver. This is the bird for Ernie Ball strings and was something that I learned to draw from memory so I could bust it out at any moment when the moment called for art.

With later books I started to include a song lyric from a particulary meaningful song that, perhaps, captured my mood of the moment. Book One starts right off with the "I love Steve's."
I hope you find some of this interesting and get a chuckle at some of the entries like I did.